Marauding the Marauders
by Slytherin's Realm Mistress
Summary: The Marauders have been getting on everyone's nerves... but what will the slytherins do about it? Snape, Lucius, Narcissa and Bellatrix, among others, have a plan...
1. Of Tutors and Warnings

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Harry Potter probably owns your house, though...  
  
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"Severus, yoo hoo!"  
  
Severus rolled his eyes. He turned about, only to see a beautiful, flustered blonde running after him. O_h look, Sev, you have a pretty girl chashing you. Should you be happy about this?_ he pondered, and then answered himself ..._nope, not if its Narcissa Malfoy... she probably wants something. Something Malfoy can't give her, anyway._  
  
Narcissa was, hands down, the most attractive girl in the slytherin house. She had long, straight, snow-blonde hair, a pale-yet-attractive skin color, ruby-red lips, and very shapely legs. It is no small wonder that she gained the... attention of the wealthy Lucius Malfoy. They seemed to be the match made in heaven to the slytherins, and were the second most popular couple in the school, next to Potter and his mudblood companion.  
_  
_"Wait a second, okay?" she called, catching up with him. He raised a quizzical eyebrow at the beautiful ice-blonde beauty before him. She sighed tragically.  
  
"Professor Peddly failed me _again_. Would you be able to tutor me in potions? He said if I didn't get help soon I'd have to take remedial potions, and he scares me, he smells really funny and he has that lazy eye..." she trailed off.   
  
He surveyed her pleading look for a moment and slowly replied, "Don't give me that look, Narcissa."  
  
She immediately pulled in her bottom lip and retorted, "You're bloody brilliant in potions, and I need all the help I can get, please..."   
  
He narrowed his eyes at her, not really out of annoyance, but to block the image of dramatized pain she was supossedly going through. "Alright. Mondays and Thursdays, after potions class. I'll help you the best I can." Narcissa let out an ecstatic giggle and pecked him on the cheek before hurrying back to the slytherin dorms. Watching her walk away, he thought of how much help he would really be if he couldn't keep his mind on potions.  
  
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"You're out of your league, lover-boy," drawled a deep voice behind Severus as he made his way to potions the next Thursday.  
  
Lucius Malfoy moved in front of him, blocking his path to class. Lucius matched the typical Malfoy bloodline; the famous smirk, money to boot, and a constant attitude of superiority, which was only encouraged by his position as Quidditch captain and Seeker for the slytherin team. He had a very muscular build, due to his constant training, a commanding height at 6"3', and wavy, light-blonde hair. Most of the people around him had the sudden urge to throw flowers in his path, Severus, however, managed to get nauseated instead every time he came near.  
  
Severus is, in fact, the exact opposite of Malfoy. He was a simple 5"3', and his sallow skin often reminded one of souring milk, matching his not-so-friendly disposition. His limp, greasy, charcoal hair was unkempt and wild, like a orphaned child in the dark alleyways of muggle London living in a cardboard box.  
  
"Lucius, step aside, I'm late as it is." Severus hissed, stamping his foot impatiently. Lucius circled around him, never taking his eyes off the greasy mop, like a cougar stalking its prey.  
  
"You don't have enough money for her kind, Snape. She's not interested."  
  
Severus's eyes narrowed dangerously. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Lucius. I am preventing her from having to take Remedial Potions, and that is all. She has no love-interest in me."  
  
Lucius grinned. "Point taken. Don't tell me you haven't thought about that cat in bed, though. I certainly do.. every time she's there with me. Ah, her smooth skin and plump lips, her silken hair covering my chest..."  
  
Severus's lips seemed to narrow as my as his eyes, making his large nose appear to grow alarmingly. "I had no idea you were a poet, Lucius. I will ask one last time for you to leave, unless you have bussiness to discuss with me other than your senseless afternoon shags."  
  
Lucius and Narcissa are both fifth-years, one year older than Severus. That being the case, Lucius rarely talked to him unless he needed something. Something really important. "Well..." Lucius sounded out laboriously, "I have something to ask you, Snape. The corridor here is not the place, however, so meet me in the common room Monday after your exam."  
  
With that, Lucius turned on his heel and headed towards his class. Severus frowned and reajusted his shoulder bag full of potions ingredients. He hurried down the dark hallway in the dungeons to potions, wondering what Lucius was up to the whole way. _Marauding the Marauders_, Chapter One 


	2. Of OWLs and Boredom

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Severus was still engrossed in the questions of his Defense Against the Dark Arts OWL Sirius was outside by the lake, leaning against a tree casually, complaing about his insistant boredom. Lupin was studying for the upcoming Transfiguration OWL, and James was showing off with a snitch, with Peter watching James in open-mouthed awe.  
  
"This'll liven you up, Padfoot," said James quietly, "look at who it is..."  
Sirius's head turned. He became very still, like a dog that has scented a rabbit.  
"Excellent," he said softly."_Snivellus_."   
Snape was on his feet again, and was stowing the OWL paper in his bag. As he emerged from the shadows of the bushes and set off across the grass, Sirius and James stood up. Lupin and Wortail remained sittin: Lupin was still staring down at his book, though his eyes were not moving and a faint frown line had appeared between his eyebrows. Wormtail was looking from Sirius to James and James to Snape with a look of avid anticipation on his face.  
"All right, Snivellus?" said James loudly.  
Snape reacted so fast it had been as if he expected an attack: dropping his bag, he plunged his hand inside his robes, and his wand was halfway in the air when James shouted "_Expelliarmus_!"   
Snape's wand flew twelve feet into the air and fell with a little thud in the grass behind him. Sirius let out a bark of laughter.  
"_Impedimentia_!" he said, pointing his wand at Snape, who was knocked off his feet, halfway through a dive toward his own fallen wand.  
Students all around had turned to watch. Some of them had gotten to their feet and were edging nearer to watch. Some looked apprehensive, others entertained.  
Snape lay panting on the ground. James and Sirius advanced on him, wands up, James glancing over his shoulder at the girls at the water's edge as he went. Wormtail was on his feet now, watching hungrily, edging around Lupin to get a clearer view.  
"How'd the exam go, Snivelly?" said James.  
"I was watching him, his nosse was touching the parchment," said Sirius viciously. "There'll be great grease marks all over it, they won't be able to read a word."  
Several people watching laughed; Wormtail sniggered shrilly. Snape was trying to get up, but the jinx was still operating on him; he was struggling, as though bound by invisible ropes.  
"You-- wait," he peanted, staring up at James with an expression of purest loathing. "You--wait..."  
"Wait for what?" said Sirius coolly. "What are you going to do, Snivelly, wipe your nose on us?"  
Snape let out a stream of mixed swearwords and hexes, but his wand being ten feet away, nothing happened.  
"Wash out your mouth," said James coldly. "_Scourgify_!"   
Pink soap bubbles streamed from Snape's mouth at once; the froth was covering his lips, making him gag, choking him--  
"Leave him ALONE!"  
James and Sirius looked around. James's free hand jumped to his hair again.  
It was one of the girls from the lake edge. She had thick, dark red hair that fell to her shoulders and startlingly green almond-shaped eyes...  
"Allright, Evans?" said James, and the tone of his voice was suddenly pleasant, deeper, more mature.  
"Leave him alone," Lily repeated. She was looking at James with every sign of great dislike. "What's he done to you?"  
"Well," said James, appearing to deliberate the point, "its more the fact that he _exists_, if you know what I mean..."  
Many of the surrounding watchers laughed, Sirius and Wormtail included, but Lupin, still apparently intent on his book, didn't, and neither did Lily.  
"You think you're funny," she said coldly. "But you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him _alone_."  
"I will if you go out with me, Evans," said James quickly. "Go on... Go out with me, and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again."  
Behind him, the Inpediment Jinx was wearing off. Snape was beginning to inch toward his fallen wand, spitting out soapsuds as he crawled.  
"I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid," said Lily.  
"Bad luck, Prongs," said Sirius briskly, turning back to Snape. "OY!"  
But too late; Snape had directed his wand straight at James; there was a flash of light and a gash appeared on the side of James's face, spattering his robes with blood. James whirled about; a second flash of light later, Snape was hanging upside down in the air, his robes falling over his head to reveal skinny, pallid legs and a pair of graying underpants.  
Many people in the small crowd watching cheered. Sirius, James, and Wormtail roared with laughter.  
Lily, whose furious expression had twitched for an instant as though she was going to smile, said, "Let him down!"  
"Certainly," said James and he jerked his wand upward. Snape fell into a crumpled heap on the ground. Disentangling himself from his robes, he got quickly to his feet, wand up, but Sirius said, "_Locomotor mortis_!" and Snape keeled over again at once, rigid as a board.  
"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Lily shouted. She had her own wand out now. James and Sirius eyed it warily.  
"Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you," said James earnestly.  
"Take the curse off him, then!"  
James sighed deeply, then turned to Snape to mutter the counter curse.  
"There you go," he said, as Snape struggled to his feet again, "You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus--"  
"I don't need help from filthy mudbloods like her!"  
Lily blinked. "Fine," she said coolly. "I won't bother in the future. And I'd wash my pants if I were you, _Snivellus_."  
"Apologize to Evans!" James roared at Snape, his wand pointed threatiningly at him.  
"I don't want_ you_ to make him apologize," Lily shouted, rounding on James. "you're just as bad as he is..."  
"What?" yelped James. "I'd NEVER call you a-- you-know-what!"  
"Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys yuo just because you can-- I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me sick."  
She turned on her heel and hurried away.  
"Evans!" James shouted after her, "Hey, EVANS!"  
But she didn't look back.  
"What is it with her?" said James, trying and failing to look as though this was a throw away question of no real importance to him.  
"Reading between the lines, I'd say she thinks you're a bit conceited, mate," said Sirius.  
"Right," said James, who looked furious now, "right--"  
There was another flash of light, and Snape was once again hanging upside down in the air.  
"Who wants to see me takes off Snivelly's pants?"  
  
**A/N: This is mostly an excerpt from J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix. I used it as a tool for my story, and I am in _no way_ attempting to plagerize her work.** _Marauding the Marauders, _chapter two 


	3. Of Overturned cauldrons and Family insul...

_Marauding the Marauders, _chapter three -----------------------------------------------------------  
  
Severus had been contemplating his mysterious conversation with Lucius the whole time between running late into class and the end of double potions with gryffindor. Although his Draught of Peace came out perfectly (as usual), he absent-mindedly ran his hand through his hair when it was covered with syrup of hellebore, making it an even more greasy mess. The only distraction he had the whole period was when Sirius Black and James Potter received dentention for over-turning Narcissa's cauldron.  
  
"It wasn't my fault, Professor, she had it too close to the edge!" Sirius exclaimed innocently.  
  
"Honestly, Sirius," Narcissa hissed vehemently, "its no wonder your mum disowned you!"  
  
Sirius looked like he had been slapped. Regaining his bad-ass composure, he snidely remarked, "Andromeda is twice the witch you or Bellatrix will ever be, Narcissa, and she's going to marry a muggle. It seems that she, like myself, missed the stupid genes somewhere. I'll never know how she managed to be your sister, but I'm glad she was disowned by Mother too."   
  
When the bell rang and James and Sirius stalked out of the dungeon, Narcissa was on the brink of tears. Severus stayed behind to help her clean up the mess and start again. "_Evanesco_." The potion all over the floor evaporated. "Don't worry about Black, Narcissa. He's ashamed that he has no family, anyway, and he wanted to take it out on you."   
  
Sniffing, she looked at Severus. "How..." she started, but he cut her off. "I can tell. I understand, in a way, because my parents are both dead too." _Or dead to me, anyway_. Narcissa tried to give him a reassuring smile. "I'm sorry to hear that."  
  
He shrugged off handedly. "I don't really care, I was young when it happened. I wish they would have left me some money, though..." he trailed with a tinge of bitterness to his voice. "Now," he said, very much like a profesor would, "the first step to the Draught of Peace is fairly simple..."  
  
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Lucius stared across the room into the magical green fire. _So_, he thought, _this is where it all begins..._  
  
Bellatrix Black was lounging on the couch next to Rabastan Lestrange. They were an odd couple. Bellatrix had long, shiny black hair that reached her waist. She seems quite the tom-boy at first glance with her never meticulous uniform, but her beauty gave her the elegance that only the Black house would posses. Very few knew that she was sisters with Narcissa. Rabastan, on the other hand, seemed the exact opposite of Bellatrix. Although his uniform (or anything else he wears) is always perfect, he was the class clown of the slytherin house, and was always the one behind the practical jokes. His hair, a deep chesnut, is the mirror image of the hair his twin brother, Rudolphus, has. Their families want to tie together somehow, so Bellatrix and Rabastan were the most likely candidates. Though most people whould be bitter about an arranged marriage, they liked each other well enough, so it really wasn't too much of a problem.  
  
The dark wood grandfather clock chimed three times just as soon as Severus hurried into the room, looking flustered. "Sorry I'm late, I had a little run-in with Potter and Black, I couldn't..."  
  
"We know," Lucius cut his explanation short,"and that's why we're here." ostioning for Severus to have a seat, Lucius began pacing in front of the fire. "The situation with Potter and Black is getting out of hand. They think they own Hogwarts, which is ridiculous, because I own half of the castle anyway. Everyone else has no aversion to the miscreante, as well as the mongrel and the little ratty, helpless one, but they have made a mockery of the slytherin house..."  
  
"Hear, hear!" Rabastan interjected helpfully.  
  
"...and must be dealt with accordingly, by any means necessary. Are we all at an understanding?" A terse moment of scilence ensued, then Severus questioned carefully, "What do you propose we do, Lucius? How can we change the way others see Potter and Black?"  
  
Lucius smiled with that imfamous, all-knowing smirk. "I'm glad you asked, Snape..." 


End file.
